stepping stones to nowhere

I just spent over three hours on the phone with a Big Healthcare Company, attempting to untangle a ridiculous knot of rejected claims. I’d love to show you the paper I took notes on, but it contains too many reference numbers—and too many expletives. So instead, I’m sharing this random doodle of stepping stones leading to nowhere, which feels like an accurate representation of my experience after speaking with six representatives across four different sectors.

Each one asked me the exact same questions.
Two accidentally hung up on me while transferring my call.
One basically told me to go f**k myself.
Two had somewhat comprehensive answers.
The last was semi-helpful but also informed me that it was “too late in the day” to fully determine what was going on. (Read: You’ll have to call back again tomorrow—this time in the morning—because it’s not like you have a job or anything.)

Around hour two, I said to the person on the line, This isn’t your fault, but can you please just transfer me to someone who deals with angry customers?

The representative responded, I’m sorry, I can’t do that. Most of their shifts have ended, and those who are here are on other calls.

To which I replied, I WILL WAIT.

At that point, I had been hopping the wet, mossy stones of a river leading to nowhere for ninety minutes. What was another hour? And then another. And another fifteen minutes. Until, finally, all the offices were closed, and I had no choice but to take a deep breath and convince myself this was not a failed mission, just a delayed one. Delayed and still denied, but with a sliver of a window left open to keep fighting.

At one point, a representative explained that our claims had been denied because the provider had typed a space in the diagnosis code, which “confused the system.”

Then they said, With all due respect, ma’am, 99.9% of our claims are reviewed by AI because we couldn’t possibly look at them all.

I responded, With all due respect, sir, your company has more money than a small country. Maybe you should hire more human beings who don’t get confused by a spacebar.

That’s when they transferred me to the person who deals with angry people.

I never fully understood how broken the system was until my family, in a time of crushing crisis, got caught in its gears. You’d think Big Healthcare Companies would have pathways to help individuals and families struggling with the very problems we purchase insurance for. But I can say, unironically and without a hint of sarcasm, that they are built to do the exact opposite.

If I learned anything from today’s three-hour tour, it’s that they want to make you so discouraged, so confused, or so furious that you simply give up.

I’m so thankful that one doesn’t need a diagnosis or treatment plan to cuddle with cats.